Seeing my husband, or even speaking to him over the phone, causes so much pain. It can't be avoided though, we need to speak to each other to make arrangements for my return home and to divide up our assets and personal belongings.
I had to call him today to choose a day and time to see each other and deal with things and he gave me this attitude as soon as he answered the phone as if to say "What does she want this time???" - it fucking hurts to be treated like that. I snapped back at him "Gee thanks alot!" to which he apologized and rightly so.
As much as I love him still, the sooner I can get him out of MY life, the better for me.
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
Tears, tears, tears
Such incredible sadness.
I am losing my best friend, the man who I have regarded as my hero for the last 7 years. He is slipping away from me and it feels like a death. I am grieving for him as if he is dead. How fucked is that?
I know we have experienced alot of stress and painful stuff in such a short space of time compared to alot of couples but it is in the past and we can still have a great future if he would just open himself up and allow it.
There is also alot of unresolved trauma and grief for which we both need counselling. It concerns me that he just wants to brush it all under the mat and not deal with it. It happened to BOTH of us, we should be able to grieve together but it has never happened, either he was having counselling or I was, it's always been separately.
It's so wrong that our marriage is being destroyed by stuff we had no control over.
I am losing my best friend, the man who I have regarded as my hero for the last 7 years. He is slipping away from me and it feels like a death. I am grieving for him as if he is dead. How fucked is that?
I know we have experienced alot of stress and painful stuff in such a short space of time compared to alot of couples but it is in the past and we can still have a great future if he would just open himself up and allow it.
There is also alot of unresolved trauma and grief for which we both need counselling. It concerns me that he just wants to brush it all under the mat and not deal with it. It happened to BOTH of us, we should be able to grieve together but it has never happened, either he was having counselling or I was, it's always been separately.
It's so wrong that our marriage is being destroyed by stuff we had no control over.
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