Hearing about someone else's happy news is tough, and unfortunately it always will be until the day I can hold a baby of my own.
If you have read my history of TTC and recurrent miscarriages (in a nutshell, 5 years, 4 miscarriages) you may be able to grasp just how painful this whole journey has been.
Recently I discovered that my supposed "best" friend is pregnant (ttc'ing for less than a year).
She can't understand why I cannot bring myself to congratulate her.
I found out that she is pregnant because she had left a couple of clues on her Facebook wall. I did a google search and found that she had been posting on two pregnancy forums, she had already known for two weeks that she is pg and she had already told a few people.
She knew that telling me she is pg would be difficult.
The way I found out is awful, I am so hurt, and even more hurt that it has happened so quickly for her after getting married, she conceived within one month of the wedding. I knew it was going to be tough if/when it happened but I expected that she would have the integrity to tell me first so I had enough time to digest the news and go through my own grieving process.
Instead, I was angry, and she can't understand why I haven't been able to say "congratulations".
Why is it so hard for people to "get it" that I am hurting too much ? Why does society expect people to always behave a certain way and when we don't we are horrible ogres because we don't put other people's feelings before our own?
what a terrible way for you to find out. the only thing that i can suggest is that she didn't know how to tell you without hurting you..so instead of trying -- even by email or text (where you could digest the information and then have a good cry in private) she did the easy way out; by not telling you at all.
ReplyDeleteafter my m/c, a good friend who was five days ahead of me, didn't know how to tell me that she was sorry..so she didn't tell me at all. after months of not speaking to her, i finally got up the courage to explain to her how angry and hurt i was feeling that she ignored me. she was ashamed and upset because she knew what i was going through but felt that it was best if she "gave me some space" and didn't mention the m/c.
perhaps you could try sending her an email and expressing your anger and hurt -- she needs to know how upset you are and where you're coming from -- otherwise it's not really a friendship, is it?
i'm sorry that you're having to go through this. i hope that you can work things out with your friend.
b :)
Thanks b....
ReplyDeleteI did email her with a link to the pg forum she has been posting on, and I told her how upset I was at finding out this way.
She wrote back saying she had tried to email me and that she knew it was going to be difficult.
I flew 1/2 way around the world in September to be there for her wedding so this is a real kick in the guts for me. She gets the honeymoon baby. So unfair.