Dreading the 24th

Christmas Eve. 

My 3rd pregnancy was due on Christmas Eve in 2007.

No wonder I hate this time of year.

It's hard enough seeing all the cutesy TV ads with babies and children.

The unseasonal snow in the UK, right at the start of the school holidays, means all the little kids are out sledding and frolicking in the snow.  And everywhere, I see little ones who are about the same age as our little Christmas babe would have been by now.  Today there was a toddler standing there out in the snow squealing in excitement, he thought snow was just the best.  I couldn't help but smile and wave at him and share the moment but fuck it hurt to realise that I am missing out on sharing this magic winter with a child of my own.

What makes it worse is knowing my former best friend is just entering her 2nd trimester with her first pregnancy, she had her ultrasound yesterday and now she and her husband (of less than three months) are about to spread their happy news to everyone they know.  How perfect and smug they must be feeling right now, to conceive the honeymoon baby and to be able to announce the pregnancy at Christmas.  Makes me want to vomit.

I had an argument with some silly cow on a pregnancy forum today, she doesn't understand why people should have to curb their enthusiasm when announcing to an infertile that they are pregnant.  I made a comment about how when giving someone news that you know is going to hurt or be tough to take, the least you could do is just tell them calmly.  As an analogy, but not to make a direct comparison, I likened it to telling someone that one of their family members had just died. 

I know you can't compare a pregnancy announcement to announcing that someone has died, but I thought it was rather self explanatory - you do it with TACT.  Not everyone is going to be excited and happy for you.

But the stupid, thick-headed bitch just didn't get the point I was trying to make.  I think she was just trying to embarrass me on the forums, but it backfired big time.

Every miscarriage I have suffered has been the death of a dream, so yes, learning that my "best" friend is pregnant was very much like being told that someone had just died, it tore my heart just that little bit more.