1st of April - AF arrives. The joke is on me, I'm the April Fool.
22nd of April - should have been DH's little girl's 9th birthday (the baby he and his former partner conceived). Even though that has nothing to do with me, it just makes me sad that my husband is grieving not just for the 4 pregnancies we lost but this one too. She would have been his first born.
23rd of April - should have been the 4th birthday of our 2nd angel
24th of April - should have been the 2nd birthday of our 4th angel, Joshua
Joshua's 2nd birthday was a sad day but also a day tinged with hope. After months of pain and sadness, Mr J & I sat down for a long talk and for the first time in months he reached out to me and gave me a hug and a kiss. It was so unexpected and I cried like a fool. I'd like to think that our little boy gave his dad a gentle shove and whispered in his ear that it was okay to let his guard down.
I can't imagine your pain. But encouraging that Mr j and you seem to be drawing closer together.
ReplyDeleteaniversaries are hard, Thinking of you
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Sorry for all these anniversaries. Glad to hear that Mr J reached out. I hope he can stay open. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies... I am just trying to take it one day at a time and not push him or try to rush things.
ReplyDeleteToday at work I picked up the softest little baby toy and my heart heaved in my chest. I wanted to buy it, it was only £3... but thought it would be better left there. I just hope that one day I will be able to buy things like that for the baby I have waited so long for and I want Mr J to be the proud dadda. Despite what we have been through, he is a VERY special person to me and would be a great father.
I appreciate your kind words and thoughts xo
Oh honey. Sending you all my love, I can't imagine the pain. But yet the hope xx
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